Chi e il padre del bambino del Bijou?
by Hamtaro Troll
Summary: A really Romantic and drama filled story about the love the hamhams have for eachother and the problems, confusion, and beauty it brings them. It is primarily a Boss Bijou and MaxSan fic, with some PP CP and HSPARKLE in there also.
1. Il Fungo Magico

Hey Everyone, Since i lost my OLD Fanfiction.net account i created a new one. Yup this is Mcamino, aka Troll. I am making this to be a romance story, but i will throw in some humor along the way, but NOTHING like my old fic HamHam high school (which by the way i will be reposting the old chapters soon with a few NEW ONES)  
  
Well this is going to be a romance fic, that's pg13 rated. It's going to be some comedy and some pg13 scenes with sexual induendo. The couples will be boss/bijou, cappy/penelelope, and maxwell/sandy panda/pashmina hamtaro/sparkle (this couple might not be in the fic, i got writers block on that couple right now)  
  
I wanted everyone to know I will be writing 2 VERSIONS of this fic. One will be rated pg-13 and be edited for content. Anyone who is 17 years or older who also wants to read the much more sexually explicit version its Rated R. so look there if you want to read that. And NO the R rated one won't be a lemon. It will just go into more detail about some of the romantic scenes i had to tone down to make it pg-13, but i still wanted to allow readers to enjoy if they are old enough (being this is a cartoon show aimed at 12 year olds, i rather post 2 diffrent versions then have the story rated r and no one reads it)  
  
Oh yea, one final note before i start the fic... I will post a new chapter for every 5 reviews. so everyone review every chapter weither you hated it, liked it, leave your thoughts about what you think will/should happen next, flame me, whatever. I mean you dont have to :::hides C-4 explosive behind his back::: but i would like it alot.  
  
SO without Further Delay Chapter 1 "Il Fungo Magico"  
  
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BADA BADA BADA BADA "OUUIII I CANT BELIVE HIM, NO MATTER WHAT I DO HE WILL NEVER GROW UP" BADA BADA BADA BADA. All that can be heard is Bijous cries as she is running through the forest sobbing controllably. "How could of let this happen, how could I have been so wrong about Hamtaro....." BADA BADA BADA "There is only one way to stop the inevitable in a matter of weeks, soon everyone will know, and my life will be over, all the other ham hams will start saying things about me and.....and... and..." bijou stutters as another tear falls down her white fur of her cheek, and falls onto the forest floor as she continues to run into the forest having no idea where she is going, nor any care about where she will end up. She just wanted to escape and run from everything and everyone as her world came crashing down around her. Suddenly bijou tripped over a wet blade of grass then noticed something, something that could fix all the wrongs that had happened to her. She spotted a wild mushroom growing in the ground, but not just any mushroom, a POISIONOUS MUSHROOM. And it was big enough for her to eat and still have extra mushroom left over after she was long dead.  
  
Meanwhile in a different part of the forest......  
  
"Well tonight is a lovely evening for a moonlit stroll up Acorn Mountain its just too bad Bijou can't be here to walk along side me" Boss says as he imagines a Bijou walking with him, smiling, giggling , happy. "Wow that was strange, I swear I thought I saw bijou walking with me, maybe the stress of the clubhouse is getting to my head." As boss continues on towards Acorn Mountain, his hamster senses start to tingle, like there is something wrong, something very wrong.  
  
"Hey Lover boy Boss man!" Sparkle says from a distance running up to Boss "What is a fine looking ham like yourself walking all alone for? I am very willing to keep you company tonight." Sparkle said in a very seductive tone.  
  
"Oh god will she ever leave me alone, I am a one ham guy, and my ham is bijou not her" Boss thought to himself "But I sure could use the company tonight...." he thought on the other hand.  
  
"Yea you can join me, just don't get any funny ideas Sparkle"  
  
"Ok I promise" she said aloud "I promise to get you to be mine, all mine, tonight" she thought to herself.  
  
Elsewhere at the same time........  
  
Krump Krump Krump "Why Me" Krump Krump Krump "How could he do this to me" Krump Cry Krump "I thought I was special to him" Krump Cry Krump "Now look at me, I'm such a....a....bad hamster" Cry Cry Krump "What would the other girls of said if they knew" Krump Krump Krump "This is ze only way out" Krump Krump Cry "I'd never thought I would die alone" Cry Cry Krump   
  
Slowly the poison takes effect and bijou leans over, and falls, unconscious, in the leaves and snow.  
  
"Hey Boss do you want o grab a drink of some Saki over at that ham bar?" Sparkle Suggested trying to get Boss liquored up so she could have her way with him.  
  
"Sparkle! You can't do that, you aren't legal hamster drinking age!" Boss responded quite angrily  
  
"Yea so?!, I own that bar, so they do whatever I say, if I say give me a drink they will, if I tell them to jump in front of a car they will!" Sparkle said feeling like she was totally in control of the situation.  
  
"Sorry Sparkle, NOT interested" He responded grudgingly knowing Sparkle was trying to hit on him. Then he had an idea  
  
"You know that she isn't going to stop until she has you boss or you break her heart, well maybe its time for some Ham Ham Heartbreak...." Boss thought with a devilish grin  
  
"Hey Sparkle, why don't you do this go to the bar have a few shots of Saki, and after you are done I'll meet you at your house, and make sure you wear something "Nice" , you know something that might encourage me to "Play" a little, wanta play?" Boss said in his most seductive voice leading Sparkle to think boss was hitting on her.  
  
"Hehe Once she's thoroughly wasted and drunk, she will wake up tomorrow either thinking everything I said was all a drunken dream, or that we actually (CENSORED) and that I left early in the morning. It's a win scenario "Boss thought to himself about his evil plan to get rid of sparkle...  
  
And so Sparkle disappears into the door of the Saloon, as Boss made his way slowly up the mountain assured this night could only get better. What surprises await boss? Find out in the Next Chapter  
  
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	2. cadendo per voi

Well this chapter will have boss singing lyrics that I DO NOT OWN! So sue someone else like, Sen. Orin Hatch preferably. I also will be adding allot of Boss's Point of view throughout the rest of the story. Lots of soliloquies, and inner dialog. Well here are some lyrics that kind of fit Boss's Mood of Jealousy about Hamtaro and Bijou, so imagine boss singing them angrily to Bijou. They don't have anything to do with the story.....And they ARN'T sung by Britney Spears or Avil Lavigne...  
  
I put a spell on you  
  
Because you're mine.  
  
I can't stand the things that you do.  
  
No, no, no, I ain't lyin'. No.  
  
I don't care if you don't want me   
  
'Cause I'm yours, yours, yours anyhow.  
  
Yeah, I'm yours, yours, yours.  
  
I love you. I love you.  
  
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!  
  
I put a spell on you.   
  
Welcome back to another chapter. When we left off Boss had just gotten rid of sparkle, and was walking up Acorn Mountain trying to have a nice relaxing evening alone. Oh Boy he is about to get the surprise of his life!!  
  
'Wow what an interesting night sky' Boss thought to himself 'if only bijou was here with me this night would be perfect'  
  
As Boss continues to walk along the path he sits down by a small pond where, he pulls out a pen and paper from his pocket.  
  
"Hmm I don think I have been in this part of the mountain yet, its really nice here, its so quiet I can just stay here for hours staring at the stars."  
  
"No, that can't be, are those.... CHESTNUTS OVER THERE?!..... Yea they are......they are chestnuts! I'm taking some home for Bijou and the rest of the ham ham gang!" DABA DABA DABA DABA "OH Yeaaaaaaa... these are fresh...  
  
"I am going to collect them all and bring them all home" He said as he unpacked his backpack and filled it with chestnuts from top to bottom, so much so it could barely be closed without a struggle. Then he heard it, and immediately he knew what that sound was...  
  
"RAVEN! RUN!" HE INSTINCTIVELY YELLED, although no one was around to here his screams.  
  
DABA DABA DABA DABA "You are NOT going to catch this field hamster, so give up now" He yelled taunting the black bird behind him." Come and get me" Suddenly the bird did a complete u-turn  
  
"Ha Sucker! I didn't want you I wanted your seeds" The Raven shouted as it swooped down and picked up Boss's backpack with its claws.  
  
"Oh no you don't, you.... you.... feather duster" He screamed as he began to chase the raven and then jumped upon its back, as it flew all around the sky like an out of control plane without a pilot.   
  
"You got 1 second to give me my seeds back or else!" He threatens the black fowl creature.  
  
"That's it, you asked for it, KRUMP KRUMP KRUMP" Boss said as he began to bite the raven all over its wings until it eventually couldn't hold on the backpack anymore and both boss and his backpack fell from the bird, towards the ground far below. "I guess I learned my lesson that I 'shouldn't chase ravens'...... Well it is a lovely night for me to forget my parachute" Boss though as he plummeted to his certain death...... 


	3. Il dolore di mille pallottole

When we left off "Great perfect day to forget my parachute "Boss though as he plummeted to his certain death......  
  
"Ahhhh...." Boss screamed as he was plummeting to the ground below. Just as Boss closed his eyes as he neared the ground he suddenly stopped.  
  
What the Heke happened? Am I dead? No I'm not dead... but what stopped my fall? The relived hamster thought  
  
"Well it's my lucky day! I landed in the middle of a mushroom field! Wow, I never realized how soft mushrooms were, maybe I should take a few home with me to use as a benches in the clubhouse"   
  
Then he saw it, the worst sight his hamster eyes have ever seen. There she lay next to a half eaten mushroom, her white fur covered in her own tears, and vomit. For a moment he thought it had to be an illusion the night sky was playing upon his eyes, for this is something he never expected to see in his life. So horrible, so tragic, so unbelievable. It was like a nightmare come true, no wait I take that back, all the demons of hell could not create such horror is his eyes and his heart.  
  
"BIJOU!!!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs ignoring his injuries from the long skydive, jumping from the mushroom landing on all 4 legs, 2 of which were broken, and badly bleeding. But he could feel no physical pain, the pain his eyes saw was enough.   
  
"Bijou what happened?! Oh no!!!! She ate a poisonous mushroom"  
  
Bijou?... Bijou??.... BIJOU!!!!.... NOOOO! BIJOU WAKE UP!!!!!!!!" Boss screamed emphatically trying to rouse the unconscious hamster.  
  
"...b.b..bbosss? Is that you?" She responded weekly  
  
With that Boss's heart skipped a few beats "Yes bijou honey I am here" he said as he grabbed her paw in his paws, and placed a kiss on it to let her know he was there to take care of her.  
  
"Please go, I am not going to make it."   
  
"To heck with that, you will make it, or I will steal you back from heaven, MY ANGEL"  
  
With those kind words Bijou went into a coma again. Boss grabbed her on his back and ran like he had never ran before back to his clubhouse hoping someone was there to help her, to save her. What was normally a 2 hour journey down acorn mountain back to the clubhouse too a mere 10 minutes. He was running like the wind, tonight nothing was going to stop him from getting back to the clubhouse, NOTHING. Even when a cat started chasing him, he didn't even flinch, and eventually he outran the cat, who gave up on this "fast food".  
  
And so Boss makes it back to the clubhouse, where he realized all the rest of the ham hams weren't there, except for snoozer who was asleep but was next to the TV, watching Inyuasha fighting Kagome on Cartoon Network. As Boss slowly carried Bijou into his bedroom, a million thoughts crosses him mind or worry, and sorrow, and worst of all fear. For the first time in his entire life he was truly petrified with fear about what is going to happen with Bijou. As she laid there in his bed, a single tear ran down his cheek, then another, eventually it was a stream of tears for bijou. He looked at her, gave her a kiss on her forehead and began to sing tearfully.............  
  
Love Love Love Love AI RABU YUU  
  
ai ai ai ai Princess Bijou!  
  
Love Love Love Love AI NII JUU  
  
ai ai ai ai Princess Bijou!  
  
honto ha MUUDO ni yowai kara  
  
yasashii kotoba ni NOKKUDAUN  
  
anata no mae ha ga daisuki yo 


	4. Il mio cuore si brucia con il fuoco di a...

"Ohhhhh Bijou, do not die on me I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE YOU MORE THEN ANYTHING AND ANYONE, PLEASE PULL THROUGH, PLEASE WAKE UP MY PRINCESS BIJOU, I DONT CARE WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE, PLEASE BIJOU I CANT BEAR TO LOSE YOU, PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES FOR ME" Boss slowly reaches down to Bijou and gives her a long strong kiss on her lips, still blue from the poison, crying the entire time hoping against hope she will wake up and everything will be alright. As he departs his lips from hers Boss says "I will not leave your side bijou until you are well and healthy again. With that be grabbed the last of the blankets in the clubhouse and put them on Bijou to keep her warm at night, even though Boss realized it was the middle of winter, he couldn't feel the cold the warmth in his heart of bijou was all the heat he needed to survive.  
  
"Zuu Zuu Your Love will save her Zuu Zuu" Snoozer Said as Boss pulled up his chair right next to the bed to watch over Bijou all night.   
  
When Boss woke up the next morning on the floor, he threw the blankets that were covering him off, slowly...  
  
"Yawn that was a good night sleep... OH NO BIJOU, I MUST HAVE TAKEN HER BLANKETS... NOOO!" He said 1/2 asleep waking up all confused. When he got up off the floor he look at bijou, she was still breathing and alive, but she hadn't moved, and she still had all of her blankets on her boss had given her.   
  
"But.... where did my blankets come from then....?" He said even more confused now. As he looked down he realized that he was sleeping on Snoozers Sock and was using Snoozers pillows. He ran out and saw snoozer up on the loft with bags from the ham mall next to Snoozer. Snoozer himself was sleeping in a brand-new Sleeping bag with 4x large expensive pillows right next to him.  
  
"ZU ...You had a bad day and night so I went and did a little shopping, I got some groceries for you and some medicine for bijou. I don't want to have you sick too....ZU ZU ZU"  
  
"Well that Snoozer, I guess he does wake up occasionally, Thanks PAL!" Boss said in-between bites from the fresh apples Snoozer brought home.  
  
"ZU ZU since I don't have a job, I used your Hamster MasterCard, I hope you didn't mind ZU ZU ZU ZU" Snoozer said to boss.  
  
"Normally I would be angry with yaw but you did me a favor thanks again old buddy'"  
  
"Oh my god, I forgot all about Bijou!" Boss yelled dropping the ripe apple in his hands. "I need to get Maxwell here now to help me find a cure for Bijou!" Boss told snoozer as he was running out the door.  
  
Boss made it to Maxwell's house where he found his ham ham friend asleep on his back covered in his blankets. Because it wasn't even dawn yet Boss was careful not to make too much noise to wake Maxwell's Human.  
  
"PSSSSST..... Maxwell" Boss whispered trying to wake Maxwell up slowly from his sleep, unfortunately no response from the sleeping ham ham.  
  
"Yo, SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKE UP" HE said a bit louder, again he failed to wake Maxwell.  
  
"MAXWELL.... I NEED YOU NOW!" Boss said nearly shouting as he pushed Maxwell to wake him  
  
"OOOHH SANDY.... You know that I like it when you are a "naughty" Ham Ham......." The sleeping Ham ham replied  
  
"What the fuck?!" Boss yelled at the top of his lungs till he noticed Maxwell's sheets were no longer lying flat, but now looked like a mountain instead, complete with a bit of "snow" near the peak. "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Boss screamed like a little school girl which woke Maxwell from his "very pleasant" dream he was having.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE BOSS AND WHERE DID SANDY GO?!" Maxwell said half asleep thinking his dream was real.  
  
"Prince Charming, CLEAN YOURSELF up and I need you at the clubhouse"  
  
"Butttttt Bosssssss cant it waaaaaiiiiitttt till morninggggggg" He whined realizing what time it was.  
  
"COME to the clubhouse now, some horrible has happened, and you maybe the only person that can help"   
  
With that Maxwell got up, jumped into his water bowl for a quickie bath, and they headed out the clubhouse. Well it was more like Boss dragged Maxwell still soaking wet out of his cage and ran like a maniac pulling Maxwell by his arm to the clubhouse.  
  
(A/N: Maybe I went too far, but all you S/M fans out there enjoyed that scene, don't deny it!) 


	5. Diario triste del criceto

"Oh my, Yawn, It's good you found me so soon, otherwise Bijou may have died. Even now I don't know if she will be alright, but I will try my best...." Maxwell was saying till he was interrupted with Boss Jumping on top of him yelling and screaming angrily bijou better be alright after this.... Thankfully Maxwell's smooth talking got him out of the situation..."Hey I know how you feel boss, I will do everything, and anything I can but these things usually can not be helped"  
  
At the beginning of the first day boss slowly crawls into his bedroom, to see how bijou is doing and to go grab his diary to write in. With all that had happened he needed to talk to someone, but there was no one there to talk to except his diary, which held his inner most secrets. He knew no one knew about it, and he liked it that way. He was a big, strong, masculine Boss Ham, and having a diary is so girlish. He hid the one place he knew no one would ever go, in his bedroom behind the picture of bijou he kept on his wall, in a hole he dug behind it as a mini-safe. He kept all of his Bijou items there. From the Blue tie she gave him when everyone thought she was leaving, to the sunflower he brought from the fields with hamtaro for her, to the REAL song he had written for Bijou that first day he spoke to her. (A/N: In the Japanese version, he sings 1/2 of the song horribly, and then hamtaro steps in to help him finish it, damn American version doesn't have that) to a wedding ring he hoped to give Bijou one day when/If she recovers.  
  
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Dear Diary,  
The past two days have been hell, pure unrelenting torture of my mind and spirit. I fear my Princess Bijou maybe dieing from eating a poisonous Mushroom. What makes it worse is me and Maxwell can not figure out why she ate it. It couldn't be an accident, because even baby Penelope who puts everything in her mouth, knows that blue and white striped mushrooms are dangerous and to sty away from them. How could she of made such a horrible mistake, a mistake that may cost her life. What I am worried about is what if it wasn't an accident, what if she, she, she ate it on purpose. Why would she do such a thing? What could have happened to cause feel so sad and alone? Maybe I was a bit too hard on Hamtaro all the time when I see them together, walking paw and paw, talking, chatting, and enjoying each others company. How do I wish I was hamtaro those times, with bijou, so happy... maybe all my love for her is doing more hurt then good, maybe its possible to love some one so much that you push them away, and push them down. Could this entire time I have been so blindly in love with my French princess that I haven't seen the damage I have been causing her? Could she hate me so badly she would do something like this to stop from dealing with me anymore? I love her; I love her so much that I will set her free if that's what it takes for her to be happy. My love burns like the fire of a thousands sunflowers for her, but I want her to be happy above anything else, even if she is not with me. I mean hamtaro is not that bad of a guy really, sure I do hassle him allot , but that's just because I fear someday he will be the boss , and I am not good with having boss's, heck that's why I ran away from the orphanage I was born in to become a field hamster, I wanted to be my own boss, and I know deep inside, though I would never admit it to anyone that maybe hamtaro would be as good of a leader as I am , if not better then me. WHY WHY WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO BIJOU DIARY!?! WHY ?! I could not live without her, she is the sun, and the moon, and the stars to me. She is such a lovely ham, and she looks so sick and ill right now, she barely looks like herself with all the dirt on her fur, and how her entire body is discolored from the poison Maxwell is trying to find a cure for this very moment.... Awe Maxwell's calling, I need to help him out, and I'll write more about this later on.....  
-Taisho  
  
Day 2 1/2 of my personal hell,  
I just helped Maxwell give bijou a bath to get her all cleaned up so Maxwell could start giving her needles of medicine to see if it would help any bit. Since bijou is in a coma we couldn't give her medicine in her mouth like doctor lion normally does, which meant we had to find a sharp knife and cut back some of her fur so Maxwell could put the needle in her. In a moment I have often written about in my journal, seeing bijou in all of her natural beauty was supposed to be something I would cherish forever and instead it is something that I will forever remember is linked to this horrible event. For all the physical strength I have, I am weak emotionally, I couldn't bear to watch bijou so sick, so helpless while we were bathing her, that I broke down in tears as she was being put back in my bed. I couldn't even bear to watch Maxwell give her a needle of medicine he said should help. It is just so much pain and suffering for this ham ham to bear, I almost feel like I want to lay down besides bijou, myself and go into hamham heaven with her, right beside her. I would never be the same ham if I lost her forever.... never ever... I need to go my diary is getting all wet from these tears, and Maxwell should be coming out soon with an update on her condition...  
-Taisho 


End file.
